So, you want to know who I am, huh?
How do I answer this? By telling you where I’m from, what I do? Is that what I am? The sum of all those things?
Easy: I’m a 32 year old female from Transylvania, living in Vienna. A historian who has recently left academia in search for more fun things to do for a living.
I’m an expat.
A married woman, a Zumba instructor, an aspiring yogi.
A language teacher.
I love to immerse myself in worlds that aren’t mine — through music, books and series; to travel far and wide…
Earrings are my favourite piece of jewelry. And at the same time the utmost imprint of patriarchy where I come from.
Because in Romania it’s still very much the norm to have baby girls’ ears pierced in the first days of life.
Female mutilation, the socially accepted European Union version.
I don’t know myself without earrings. I too got them right after birth and never questioned them until I started reading up on trauma, the body, patriarchy and feminism.
Which didn’t make me give them up altogether. …
I was talking to my sister about healing recently and four main questions arose:
The short answer is no, they don’t — you heal yourself.
Overwhelmed by all kinds of fears, insomnia, endometriosis, food addiction and overall dissatisfaction with my life, I too hoped that someone or something would heal me — would make me feel whole, at peace.
I still do, on a certain level.
First it was diets and reaching career goals, then it was yoga, meditation, therapy. Reading books, listening to podcasts, doing online courses. Setting up the perfect morning routine.
Piling on stuff I thought I…
Some days I feel like a motherfucking princess.
Other days I feel like a loser.
And I’ve come to identify the main cause for the latter: comparison to other people, which inevitably leads to my feeling imperfect.
Whenever I compare myself to others — in any aspect of life; it leaves me sad, frustrated and bloated. I keep finding reasons why they’re better than me, asking myself why on earth I made one decision and not the other, why I chose this path in life, when going another way was obviously the better course of action.
’Cause look at this…
There are basically two options for millennials to shape their lives nowadays:
I guess both these options are natural in their essence, but culturally induced in form.
Essentially, people are animals in search for an environment with shelter, water and food where they can reproduce safely. Once they find that, though, their minds start wondering what else there is to life. …
I’ve been getting these … sensations. They’re not panic attacks, because I can breathe and my mind works just fine.
Let me try to describe them.
Just last week as I was home alone, teaching a Zumba class, it popped into my head that my husband might not have locked both doors. A warm, tightening, very uncomfortable feeling rose from my legs up to the stomach and into the chest.
My first instinct was to push it away — after all, I was in the middle of teaching a class.
I forgot about it at some point, but after the…
I’ve written a whole lot about having felt lonely and abandoned by my family when I was a kid/teenager. Now that I think about it, the first day of my period was the only time I felt seen.
Especially by my mother.
It was the one time she didn’t yell at me, when I saw compassion in her eyes.
Because of the pain. Of the inability to move, to fight back, to rebel.
On the first day of my period I turned into a helpless creature, dependent on her needle. Which I begged for. Every time. …
I’m selfish. I’m putting myself first.
But what does that actually mean?
Besides speaking my mind, setting boundaries and doing what I enjoy?
I realised that since I started teaching yoga, I’ve been putting all my efforts into preparing for the classes, neglecting my own practice.
That whenever I choose to practice on my own, I always come back to the idea of incorporating something in class. Which is great, because guiding people and offering an improved experience is why I started doing this in the first place.
However, if my mind keeps working during practice, then it’s not yoga…
I haven’t watched Netflix for a few weeks now. Ever since I started reading this book, actually. It’s better than a Netflix show: easy to read, extremely interesting and I can let my imagination flow freely, create my own characters and decide on the nature of the setting.
I even felt the urge to binge read it, but then it would all be over and where would I travel to the next evening?!
A woman in her twenties decides to tramp from London to Australia, through Scandinavia, Russia, China and South-East Asia. My pulse rockets at the thought of embarking…
This year I’ll quit sugar. I’ll start going to the gym every day. I’ll wake up at 6 AM and perform a perfect morning routine.
Every day. No exception.
I won’t watch any Netflix, but read double the amount of books, go for a walk every day after dinner, and so on and so forth…
For years, I’ve made resolution after resolution, starting with an iron that will only succumb to my usual patterns after a few weeks.
Which caused guilt, shame, frustration. The feeling of being lazy and unworthy because I couldn’t keep up a highly unrealistic…
Ex-academic, Yoga, Zumba and Pound teacher. Ready to be passionate for a living and turn vulnerability into an asset.